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This is not a blog.  You're not reading this.  (Disclaimer:  This is a blog and you are reading it.)  As stupid as that is, it's exactly what L'Oreal is doing in its' advertising.  It's really getting ridiculous.  False advertising sinks to a new low when you are so blatantly conveying one message in your images and saying exactly the opposite in your word copy.  Look at this recent ad for 'L'Oreal False Fiber Lashes Mascara'.  The photo clearly shows Gwen Stephani wearing false lashes.  But her quotation below is an absolute shocker: "They're not fake.  They're mine and they're outrageous."  Not fake?  Sure.  Richard Nixon was also "not a crook," and Bill Clinton "did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinski."  Is this some kind of non-denial denial?
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Another laughable example is Maybelline's "Illegal Length" mascara.  In this screen shot you can see the following disclaimer:  "Dramatization.  Lash inserts used to fill in natural gaps in lash line."  In other words, our mascara can't properly fill in the lash line so we need to use lash extensions.  While this disclaimer might make Illegal Length mascara ads technically legal, the message is more false than the lashes my clients wear every day.  

The truth is, lash extensions and mascara are NOT compatible with each other.  In fact, when wearing lash extensions, mascara is redundant and unnecessary.  It's also unneeded.  Plus you don't have to wear it.  Also it doesn't do anything.  It's all been taken care of by the lash extension.  Kind of reminds you of typewriters and computers.  Or fax machines and email.  Or Blockbuster and Netflix.  Could this be the fall of the mascara empire?  Is L'Oreal afraid of the lash extension era? 
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I've spent years trying to get PR mentions in various news outlets.  They usually ignore me.  I'll be honest, it really hurt my feelings the first dozen or so times.  One morning I got very excited after I called a local radio station with my story idea.  The eager announcer said "That sounds great!  I'll call you back at 5:00 for an on-air interview and we can talk all about your business."  I waited by the phone, but it never rang.  I got the point he was trying to make:  "Don't call us, we'll call you."

Then I read a book called Buzzmarketing, by Mark Hughes.  In the book he describes his experience getting major national news coverage for his internet company, Half.com, by asking a town to rename itself.  Would Halfway, Oregon mind being called Half.com, Oregon?  This caused a huge controversy in the town and soon the story was all over the news from coast to coast.  Shortly thereafter, Half.com, once an obscure website, was sold to Ebay for mega millions.

Hughes says that most typical newspapers like The Windsor Star, print essentially the same 5 stories over and over:

The unusual or outrageous
The controversial
David vs Goliath
The celebrity angle
What's currently in the media

After reading the book, I decided to test his theory.  I just wasn't sure how, at first.  I was in the early months of starting my eyelash business and I was flipping through a beauty magazine, looking at mascara ads when I noticed a L'Oreal ad featuring Penelope Cruz.  In the photograph it was clear she was wearing lash extensions.  Yet the ad copy promised longer lashes could be achieved by using L'Oreal mascara.  No mention of lash extensions at all.  Right away I knew this was misleading.   So I showed my lawyer and we sent off a letter to the Competition Bureau of Canada.  The Bureau agreed something wasn't quite right and they responded with a letter saying "the issue you have raised requires further examination under the laws we enforce." 

That was it.  One quick phone call to the newsroom and the next day I made front page news in The Windsor Star.  My mom saw it before I did and she texted me this message: "above the fold!"  But guess who's picture appeared prominently in the article?  Not mine.  It was Penelope Cruz, of course!

Just like the book promised.  My story was a classic David vs Goliath, with a celebrity angle thrown in for good measure.  I've found it's not hard to get in the media.  It's either impossible or easy, depending on what you do.

Another example that proves Hughes theory is a recent Windsor Star article informing us of a local strip club promoting dwarf tossing.  Outrageous? Yes. Controversial? Certainly.  It's also currently in the media, which is why i'm writing about it.

You don't have to resort to tasteless publicity stunts just to let people know you exist.  You can create real news. Do something different.  Stand for something.  Draw a line in the sand.  It's better to be both loved and hated than completely ignored.  Personally, I'm against strip bars and I wish they would all close down.  But dwarf tossing is just stupid.

If done sincerely, you can generate some buzz, get your business noticed and ultimately serve more people.  After all, isn't that the real reason for building a business?  To serve others in some way?
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Get involved with a celebrity in some way and you increase your chances of getting mentioned in the media.
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Several years ago, I worked in a laser eye clinic, where I examined patients' eyes after Lasik surgery.  Whenever there were signs of dry eye, aka superficial punctate keratitis (SPK) -- a common condition after Lasik -- I would make a note on their chart and grade it on a scale from 1 to 4.  Grade 1 meant just a trace.  2 was mild.  3 was moderate.  And Grade 4 SPK meant a large portion of the eye surface was covered in white spots.  Simply stating 'dry' or 'not dry' would have been insufficient information to be able to judge their progress.

We tend to think of our customers as either happy or not happy.  Satisfied or not satisfied.  Instead, let's use a similar scale when judging customer satisfaction.  Let's call it Happiness Grading. 

Stage 1 Happiness:  There is a trace of happiness as they politely thank you.  If you ask them, they might even tell you they are completely satisfied.  They don't feel ripped off because you didn't lie about the product.  But secretly they are disappointed with your product or service and will warn their friends about you.
Stage 2 Happiness:  They are basically satisfied with the product or service but probably won't be back because the benefit just wasn't worth the cost.
Stage 3 Happiness:  They believe you provided an excellent, unique product or service.  It was worth the price and they will be back for more.
Stage 4 Happiness:  The entire experience was wonderful including product, service, and the manner in which it was provided.  The value they received was worth more than the cost.  They will rave to all their friends about you.

At Zipp Lash, I always strive for Stage 4 and I won't accept anything less than Stage 3 for my clients. Just like in medical grading, there is no 'zero' on the happiness scale.  Zero means an epic fail on your part.  If and when this happens, it's your chance to turn them into a Stage 4 by going out of your way to make things right.

Here's the rub. You can't just ask customers to grade themselves because most people don't like to complain and they don't want to do your work for you.  And by the time you can ask them, it's too late.  You have to find out where Stage 4 is for them and take them there.  Ask probing questions from the start and watch body language for clues. Ask, "what else can we do?"

What else can I write about that might help you?  Jason@zipplash.com.
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Written by Jason Carruthers

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I once asked Italian chef Joe Fallea for some cooking advice.  He said the biggest mistake people make is to start with a recipe.  Why is that, I asked.  Because, the dish may look easy and delicious, but the recipe will either call for ingredients that are hard to find, or it requires a skill you aren't familiar with.  So you drive around to different grocery stores trying to find bunya nuts and gum leaf oil.  Or you try smoking a brisket over a wood fire for the first time.  Either way you end up frustrated and disappointed.

Instead, start with whatever's in your fridge.  Then see what you have in the cupboard.  Then make the best of it.  Instead of asking what dish you want to make, ask what dish you can make well.  People will rave about a delicious hot dog, but they will complain about a terrible steak. 

Joe's cooking philosophy also applies to starting a business.  Too many of us get caught up in essentially trying to start a business from a recipe.  The thinking goes like this:

The Dish:  What business do I want to be in?  Often the answer is:  Whatever job I have been doing for the last few years.
The Recipe:  How much money will I need?  What equipment do I need?  What renovations need to be done?
Then we calculate a dollar figure and off we go shopping for a bank loan, mortgaging our house, or pitching our idea on Dragons' Den, eek!  (Yes, I was on the show.  Trust me, you don't want to see it.)  This all sounds very logical (except for the Dragons' Den part) which is why smart people with lots of money start businesses that close because of cash flow problems.

Ok.  How do I start a business with no money?  Well, you might be broke but you don't necessarily have no money at all. Maybe all you have is $500, a cell phone and weekends off.  Start there.  Find a business you can build with those ingredients. You don't need a five-year lease on a fancy office to impress customers you don't have yet.  Get a membership at The Coffee Office. I started Zipp Lash part-time while I was still working a full-time job.  I had very little money, but I knew I had all the ingredients for a great business.  It's not enough to have a great product, you need a great business.  Money can't buy that. 

But, it takes money to make money, right?  Well, that depends on the recipe.  A 3,000 square foot restaurant in a brand new building is going to require some serious money.  True entrepreneurs start with whatever they have and create something out of nothing. Resourcefulness is the best resource of all.  If you're resourceful, you don't need a lot of money.  If you're not resourceful, a lot of money will never be enough.

But, you say, I'm a baker and my dream is to open my own bakery!  I need to rent a big space and the landlord wants a 5-year lease!  Ouch.  Good luck.  That's a recipe for disaster.
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